Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
