are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
