You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
