She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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