I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How does it feel to date your dad?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize