so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
