get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
