Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
