You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
