Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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