How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
