It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize