that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
