I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
