I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Randomize
