it's too hot outside to masturbate.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
