id be glad to
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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