walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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