i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
did i walk over a car last night?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
