they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you mean i was at the winter classic?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
