I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
