1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
