My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
