fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize