so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
