Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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