I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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