In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
