Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize