It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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