Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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