I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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