I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
