Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize