it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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