i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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