Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
