I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Randomize