Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
