Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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