I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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