i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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