My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
honey bunches of taint.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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