You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
