Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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