Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
