Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
