There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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