what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize