I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize