My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
