The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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