and you said cock pushups were impossible
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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