38 yer olds are good kisserssss
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
