We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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