I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
