yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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