He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
