i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize