their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
