I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
