You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How does it feel to date your dad?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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