We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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