I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
