im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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