I'm jealous of your bromance
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
