You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize