I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
