Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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