i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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