then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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