god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
