I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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