I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
