I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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