can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
