I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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