i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
