I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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