you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
