He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
