I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
