I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize