Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
