Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize